Noah at 17 months….

Had his 4 open heart surgery in February during cny. Yes CNY again. What are the odds right?

The stay in the hospital was longer than before. And more complications arise after the surgery. One of his diaphragm paralysed and have to go thru a plication surgery. His heart swing from extreme low to extreme high. 

Every brand new day I pray that things will get better. I don’t get it why it didn’t. 

We have accepted that Noah has PVS.

  • Pulmonary vein stenosis is a rare condition in which the veins that carry oxygen-rich blood from the lungs back to the heart are narrowed. This is a different condition than pulmonary (valve) stenosis (PVS, PS) and peripheral pulmonary stenosis.
  • Pulmonary vein stenosis can occur in several forms. Many children have what is called intraluminal pulmonary vein stenosis, meaning that abnormal growth in connective tissue cells causes the walls in the pulmonary veins to become too thick.
  • It is usually a progressive condition, meaning its severity and symptoms increase over time.
  • Sometimes, pulmonary vein stenosis can occur as a complication of another heart or lung problem.
  • The exact cause of pulmonary vein stenosis is not known.


PVS is actually an incurable disease. It really took me a long while to accept this fact. But I’ve quite past the phase where I grieve because nothing can change fact. I can’t possibly be more positive. People who met us probably can’t tell what we are facing. 

We are not giving up. Boston children’s hospital have a specialist team that deal with PVS. They have a clinical drug trial that might the condition. We have approached them and waiting to see if Noah is a suitable candidate. We are also ready to let him go thru another surgery if needed.

And if there is one definite way to help, it’s a double heart and lung transplant. But do you all know Singapore doesn’t have heart and lung transplants for kids? It’s so sad because there are many kids who died from Congenital heart defects and the only way to save them is a transplant.

Maybe because we live in a society that discussing about organs donation is a taboo. But how many people actually know the importance of having this problem around? 

I really hope the voices of these families can be heart. Heart babies deserves a chance to a new lease of life….

Anyway the good news is that Noah is finally hitting his Milestone. He is crawling, trying to pull himself up to stand and he is starting to get more talkative. Yes 17 month is really late for a child but what matter most is I lived to see this moment that I’ve waited for so long. 

All we needed now is miracle… And anything that can be done to keep Noah going. Anything. 

A year ago today…

… I gave birth to a boy named Noah. And he changed our lives entirely.

I remember how I freaked out at the sight of me bleeding while in the toilet that morning before. I was just 35 weeks. I was so afraid that I might lose you.

I was rushed to TMC and was told that I’m delivering despite how hard the doctor tried to stop it from happening. My gynae was afraid that baby’s lungs will still be immature. While other mothers were worrying that their babies won’t turn out to be beautiful, I was so afraid that I might lose you.

You were whisked off from me after you’re born and was never brought to my room like how other new mothers experienced. My room was exceptionally quiet while I can hear the babies crying in other rooms. I missed you the very day you came out from me.

I was discharged while you were still in the NICU. I pump and pump like a cow just to give you my most precious liquid gold. At day 3 I received a phone call from your daddy saying the doctors diagnosed you with a heart condition and will require a heart surgery to fix. I stop my pump, my heart stop pumping for awhile too. I was so afraid that I might lose you.

I rushed out of the house, despite me still doing confinement just to take a glimpse of you before the surgeon met up with us and rush you to Gleneagles for the surgery. I barely held you closed to me twice since birth. I was so afraid that I might lose you.

I remember how I cried and cried, blaming myself for causing you pain although no one can explain how a rare CHD will happen to you when both your daddy and I were perfectly healthy. Did I ate the wrong food? Did I took the wrong medication while I fell sick during pregnancy? I’ve never seen your daddy more worried and upset. We were both so afraid to lose you.

The surgery went well and things were slowly picking up when you suddenly turn restless and drink poorly at 3rd month. We rushed you to the cardiologist and only to be told that you need another surgery immediately due to stenosis. I was shaking so badly. I was so afraid that I might lose you.

Every re-surgery is harder than the previous one. No one can understand how I feel about seeing you go thru a 2nd surgery within such a short period of time. It felt like someone is cutting me open twice. I was so afraid that I might lose you.

The outcome of the 2nd surgery wasn’t perfect. But we didn’t expect you to have a normal heart like other normal babies. We just want you to survive. We didn’t want to lose you.

At 6th month, we were told things got worsen again. We seek 2nd and 3rd opinion. Things were a little different from before but no one can exactly pin point where. We hang on to our faith that your vessels will grow as you put on weight. But we face another issue of you not feeding well. You refuse to drink milk when you’re awake. You doesn’t really like taking solid either. Every feeding time is a challenge. Despite us consulting the feeding clinic, things were moving so slowly.

We resort to let you do a CT scan when you turn 10th month.

Initially the cardiologist told us he didn’t think the surgeon were able to do anything about your condition. We should concentrate on taking care of you and let you have a fulfilling life and pray that there will be a miracle. But how can anyone expect me to look at you and feel nothing after knowing that I might lose you any time? I almost lose my mind. I told your dad if I were to lose you, I wouldn’t wanna live too. Or if I manage to stay alive, I will leave this place and never wanna come back or come close to anyone or anything that will remind me of you.

We bug the surgeon to look at your CT scans everyday. He finally met up with us to discuss about your condition. I am thankful that he didn’t wanna give up on you. At that point of time, I was dying to let you go thru the surgery to let you stay alive. He decided to op on you almost immediately.

It felt like deja vu everytime I sat beside you in the PICU looking at all the tubes inserted in you. I don’t know how I manage my emotion everytime. Maybe all I needed was to see you open your eyes and smile at me like how you do every morning. You’ve no idea how much your smile meant to me. It’s like water instantly putting out fire. Or heat melting the iceberg.

The 3rd surgery indeed was more complicated than before. Your veins at one side of the lung disappeared. So technically speaking you’re only left with one side of the lung functioning well right now. My mind went blank when we were told of this news. How could that even happen? What will happen from now on then? Although we were assured that many people survived with just one lung, it still hit me very badly. I asked, is it possible for me to give one side of my lung to him? Obviously no.

While every parents were busy feeling troubled of where to bring their kids to, what to buy for them, which school to enroll them into, everyday I’m still living in the fear of losing you.

Almost every night I was jolted awake by my fear, searching for you in the dark to make sure you’re still breathing. While all parents hope that their babies sleep thru the night, your daddy and I took turns to wake up 3 hourly to feed you so you can have enough calories intake everyday.

Although there are times I felt so helpless and desperate especially when you reject your food and I started to scold you, telling you how much I regretted wanting a child because you took away all my freedom and time, you know I didn’t mean it. I love you so much I don’t think I will ever love another kid of my own the same way. Many times I still find myself looking at you in awe, giving myself an imaginary pat on the back for giving birth to such a beautiful baby.

God didn’t give you a perfect heart but I hope he give you everything else.

You’re 1 today and I hope you will eat well, grow well and be strong despite going thru so much during the 1st year of your life. I’m proud to call you my son because you’re the most amazing warrior I’ve met. I love you even before I met you and will love you till my last breath.

Happy birthday to you my darling boy. :)

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A mother’s heart.

In a short span of 10 months, Noah had gone thru 3 surgeries for his heart condition. Yes, the 3rd one just happened and he is still in the picu now.

Some have questioned us if it’s really a good idea of letting him go thru the pain again since he was having a pretty good quality of life. BUT we are not sure how long he can be with us.

As parents, we have to try all methods to make him well again. We shouldn’t take away his chance to extend his life. I may be selfish by putting him thru this intense pain but I did these all for his own good.

No one will understand the pain I have to go thru looking at him lying down with all the scary machines keeping him going. My heart, felt like they are being stabbed over and over again. If I could, I will chose to give my heart to him.

A mother’s heart… It takes another person who been thru the same to understand. But I hope no one will go thru what I’ve been thru so far.

Please, let this be one last time I beg you.

Happy 5th month!

It’s been a tough journey for you and for me baby.

Every visit to the cardiologist is so nerve wrecking. For the past one month we were constantly worried for you because your echos wasn’t ideal. The very last one shows improvement but doctor was hoping you will put on weight.

You’re stuck at 5.3kg. Will you please grow baby? We have tried all possible ways to make you drink milk but every feeding time is like fighting a battle. We resort to dream feed you most of the time and we have to hold onto our breathe during feeding, hoping you will finish the entire bottle. But most of the time you didn’t.

We even bought you to see a dietician at the doctor’s order. We started semi-solid earlier as instructed. Adding formula milk into breastmilk. I don’t think you like it very much because it smells pretty weird to me. I hope there will be more improvement 2 weeks later. Don’t make us worry for you anymore okie?

Scars may healed but a mother never forgets. Please be well for good Noah and let me have a peace of mind from now onwards…

3 months old

Dear Noah baby,

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Happy 3rd month to you.  :)

It seems like just yesterday when I went into labor with you. But I can hardly remember the pain I suffered back then because the heartache that I felt when you went through 2 open heart surgery almost tore me apart.

I never knew motherhood could be so nerve wrecking. No one told me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna take up this new role of mine. I would choose to do it all over again just for you. It’s still surreal when I refer you as “my son”. You are god greatest creation to me.

You’ve been so brave that I felt ashamed of myself. I can never look at your battle scars without feeling any heartache. You are part of me. Any pain you’ve suffered hurt me more than anyone else. I thank you for fighting through and won those battles. Be it for yourself or your loving parents, I just wanna say thank you baby.

I thought I wouldn’t love anyone else more than your daddy but I am sure he doesn’t mind sharing my love with you. :)

Your daddy and I can’t wait to spend more 3 months, years and the rest of our lifetime taking care and loving you. We are ready to take up all the challenges that we will face. Itchy gums, unstoppable moving around and struggling to understand your first word. We will be there with you.

Love you very very much,
Mommy

Repair the repair of TAPVD

Can’t believe I’m writing this entry during CNY. This entire event is like our worst nightmare coming true.

Noah was admitted to the hospital again and just had another surgery done on the 26th of Jan.

Things happened so quickly we hardly have the time to digest what’s going on. We just followed doctors instruction and slowly trying to know more about his condition.

On the 22nd of Jan,  I brought Noah to the PD to check on his appetite issue.  He haven’t been drinking much lately. In the past, he could finish up 70ml within minutes but now he takes up to an hour and most of the time have left overs too.

That day we went down to see Dr YY Yip without making appointment thinking that walk in is possible but coincidentally he was not in clinic. We ended up seeing Dr William Yip since we are already there and not wanting to make a wasted trip.

Dr William Yip is a cardio pediatrician and was very interested in Noah’s condition. He is not liking what he heard from Noah’s heart so he suggested on doing an echo test.

Results of the echo test is not too positive. But i could hardly understand what’s wrong with it and Dr William Yip says that he will call Dr Shankar to discuss while “things can wait”.

It took Dr William Yip 2 days before passing all the info to Dr Shankar.  I’ve no idea what took him so long but Dr Shankar was obviously not impressed by him and suggest that we should do another echo test with Dr KY Wong.

That was a Saturday and before we received the phone call from Dr Shankar, Dennis and I were planning to bring Noah out for a nice brunch. So instead of a happy family day out, we ended up at Dr Wong clinic within 30 minutes after the call.

The look on Dr Wong’s face during the echo test gave me cold feet. The words that he said to us almost made me faint. Noah’s heart isn’t looking good and he need a surgery to correct it.

Basically the joint they made in Noah’s heart is growing scar tissue and it’s obstructing the blood flow. We didn’t realise it was SO serious that a surgery is needed immediately. He was already not breathing normally and blood was hardly flowing to his limps hence they had a hard time finding the pulse on his hands. (instead of inserting the IA line in his hand,  they ended up inserting it to his leg. :()

I wish it was April fool so all these will be a joke. But no. We have to go thru the same pain we went thru just 2 months ago.

After leaving Dr Wong’s clinic, we went to Dr Shankar’s to discuss what has to be done. He suggest to admit Noah immediately to NUH and get the surgery done ASAP.

We waited at the clinic to make sure there is a bed at nuh waiting, all doctors are ready to take over the case before we drove to NUH. All these while there is only one question on my head. “Why? Why our Noah again?”

I remember the scene vividly where I lay Noah down on the bed in A&E. He was sucking on his pacifier vigorously, looking at me with his soulful eyes while I’m tearing. He seems to be asking, why mom? What’s wrong?  Why are you crying?

I was asked to hop onto the bed and carry Noah in my arms while they wheel us together to the PICU. I can’t let go of my sight from Noah. His eyes are the most talkative ones I’ve seen.  His look told me he trusted me while lying in my arms. He know I will protect him no matter what happens.

“But I’m sorry Noah.  Mommy has to let you go thru the pain once again. You’ve done nothing wrong. Why can’t god let me suffer in place of you instead?”

The doctor was amused when he filled up the surgery consent form with the surgery name “Repair the repair of TAPVD. But clearly we are not.

The surgery was scheduled to be done on the next day. We were told every redo of a surgery is harder than the previous one so it will take a longer time.

They were right. The surgery took 6 hours to complete compared to the previous one which lasted only for 4 hours. That 6 hours seems like eternity for us.  We waited in the waiting lounge outside the operation theatre staring at the status update screen hoping for it to be over soon.

The scenes of seeing Noah wheeling in and out of the OT are equally heart breaking. No parents deserves to go through what we went through. No baby should go through this kind of pain like my baby too.

Dennis and I were both exhausted. We have been worrying non stop, missing Noah non stop. My poor husband even placed one of Noah’s worn outfit in between us so we can smell it before we go to sleep at night.

Everyday we spent all our time in the hospital just to look at him. It felt like déjà vu all over again. The first few days was horrible because Noah is in pain and all I can do is just cry and cry. There were even moments where I have suicidal thoughts because I’m so stressed out. The decreasing of my breast milk supply doesn’t help either. I felt suffocated most of the time and I can’t stop crying.

Noah is really our champion. No matter how difficult and how much pain he went through, he fought hard. All I can do now is to provide him with love and EBM.

I can’t imagine what will happen if that day we manage to see Dr YY Yip. As a general PD, he would have thought that Noah’s loss of appetite is like “one of those days” where babies eat lesser and nothing major. The next appointment for his heart scan was actually scheduled in March. And by then it will probably be too late… I guess everything happened for a reason…

Please god let Noah be well again soon and no more pain for him. He had enough already and I will bear all his pain from now on I promise.

Touched by an Angel. My confinement nanny. My Godma.

Hi all! I’ve received a lot of requests for my god ma’s contact. As far as I know, she is fully booked until further notice. Sorry if I’m unable to share her contact until she is available again. Thank you!

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Today is the last day my confinement nanny will be with us. I have been dreading for this day to come…

Aunty Yx has been an amazing company and help for the past 2 months. I’m not exactly an easy person to stay with. I have a little ocd problem lol and I always prefer not to have a stranger staying with me hence I refuses to get a domestic helper despite my husband’s persuasion. But Aunty Yx makes us felt so comfortable that she is like part of the family already.

Aunty Yx was recommended to me by my brother in law’s friends. And they were right… She is VERY GOOD.

When Noah was diagnosed with TAPVD, she was there. She was there to comfort me… Cry to herself and looking forward to baby’s discharge from hospital together.

I remember how she was disappointed everytime we came back from the hospital and inform her that Noah can’t come home yet. And when the day baby can finally be discharged, she was super excited and happy. :)

She is an amazing cook. I especially love her pig throttle vinegar and meesua. She is very knowledgeable and knows what food helps with increasing breast milk. If it’s not for her, I will never know pig liver will cause milk production to decrease!

As Noah just went through a heart surgery, we were instructed to keep hygiene level to the highest. Initially I was worried Aunty Yx won’t be able to keep up with our expectation.  But my worries were unnecessary. She is more hygienic than me given that I have ocd. She sanitize her hand everytime before she touches baby. She remember to clean the surgery scar with alcohol swap. She prepares 2 tub of cool boiled water every morning.  One for baby’s face and one for baby’s bottom. She will remind me about baby’s medication if I’ve forgotten about them.

She can be rather naggy at times but I know it’s for my own good.  Whenever I shower too late, she will reprimand me and warn me about having headache in future Lol. I vividly remember one night where I just came out from shower to a crying baby. Without drying my hair in the aircon room, I went ahead to Breastfeed Noah. When Aunty Yx walk into my room seeing water still dripping from my hair, she took the hair dryer out and dry my hair for me. :)

When I had fever a few weeks back,  she was very concern and check on me hourly. She helped me Gua sha which really helps in making me recover faster from the fever.

Everyday she will remember that the husband needs a cup of water for every meal. She will make sure my tumbler will always be filled with water. Because of her, I have piping hot soup to drink every night. She ensures that i don’t touch cold water at all so she doesn’t allow me to wash the breast pump parts and bottles. She helps to clean the house and wash our laundry including my husband’s.

My baby is also developing a preference towards her. When he cry, only she can calm him down. Strangely I don’t feel jealous about it. In fact I’m grateful that she loves him like her own grandchild.

You can tell how genuine a person is from their eyes. The love she gave me and Noah will only come from the family and I’m eternally grateful. I’m glad she didn’t give us up when she knows about Noah’s condition. She mention lately that initially she was worried that it’s not gonna be easy to look after him. But she is happy that she took up the challenge and nurse him back to health.

Aunty Yx has been a great company,  listening to my woes and worries. We enjoy chatting about everything under the sun and I love learning baby tips from her.

This morning I woke up exceptionally early to spend more time with Aunty. I saw her eyes were red and knew she must have cried earlier on.  I tried to hold back my tears but failed to do so when she said she don’t dare to tell baby that she is leaving today. :’(

It’s amazing how such strong bond were formed within 2 months. She is now my Godma and Noah’s God grandma. ^^

Thanks for all the help and love Godma! Although bidding goodbye is always painful but we will look forward to seeing each other again soon!

(And who knows, Aunty Yx might be one of the greatest motivation for us to have a 2nd child. :P)

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(My mum, Aunty Yx, Baby Noah, me & Dennis)

My birth story – Part 2. My boy had TAPVD.

I received a phone call from my husband saying that our baby need to go through a surgery for his heart. I thought it was all a joke because isn’t just the lungs that they were concern about?

Shortly after I hanged up on my husband, my pd called me and explain about our baby’s condition. He is diagnosed with TAPVD.

What is the TAPVD : Total anomalous pulmonary venous return is a congenital anomaly in which there is no connection between the pulmonary veins and the left atrium; the pulmonary veins instead connect directly into the right atrium or to a systemic vein (Innominate, superior vena cava (SVC), Azygus, inferior vena cava ( IVC) , hepatic vein or portal vein) by an alternative pathway (vertical vein). Because all venous blood returns to the right atrium, the survival of baby depends upon the obligatory connection between the left and right atria.

For this condition, the only way to repair is through an open heart surgery. I was shaking and crying after my conversation with my pd as I was in shock. The husband and I then dash to the hospital to find out what’s the next step we should do for our baby.

We are specially thankful to one of the nurses in tmc’s nicu, sister Susan because she is very concern about baby’s conditions and is very assuring about the outcome of the surgery. She told us the doctor who is going to do the surgery is the best in Singapore and we should have 100% faith in him.

We met Dr Shankar the very same day and he explained to us the condition, how the surgery is gonna be and also the risk of it. I felt like the most helpless mother because all I could do is cry and cry…

Dr Shankar gave us the option to have the surgery done at NUH or Gleneagles. He suggested NUH because he knew the surgical fee at Gleneagles is gonna cost a bomb. But NUH doesn’t have a bed that night so we decided to just go ahead with Gleneagles. Surgery was supposed to be scheduled on the very same night but Dr Shankar thinks that doing it the next morning will be a better option.

Baby was transferred to Gleneagles very quickly and we were brief by the doctors of what’s gonna happen from now on. The husband and I wanted to stay in the ICU with baby until the next morning but the doctor suggest that I go home get some rest and come back the next day…

How can I sleep that night? I was wide awake thinking of the sweet face of my baby and my heart break into a million pieces knowing that he will have to go through a big surgery at just 5 day old. I wish it was me who will be going thru the pain instead of him. I would give up everything to just take away the pain he is gonna go thru…

The next morning we went back to Gleneagles at 5am. I broken down again and again seeing all the tubes hooked onto him. I was still feeling the pain from the episiotomy but I told myself, what’s my little pain compared to my baby’s suffering?

We were told that the operation will take about 6 hours and so we stayed behind and wait for it to be over. But to our surprise we received a phone call from Dr Shankar that the surgery is over after 3+ hours.

The first moment I saw my baby lying in ICU feels like a knife continously stabbing at my heart. He look so small, frail, pale and all hooked up with tubes. I thought I was dying from heartache.

Doctors told us the next few hours is critical. They left his chest open to make sure everything is okie before closing it up. We just sat next to him, staring at the monitor, not knowing what is what. But each time when any alarm sounds, we got worried.

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On the 21st of November, baby is one week old. The doctor closed his chest up, gradually reduced the medications and removed some of the tubes. I’m amazed by how strong my boy is. He made his Mummy very proud by braving thru sucha huge surgery.

Few days later, the doctors wanted to show us how his chest is healing but I didn’t have the courage to see his scar…

On the 5th day after the surgery, he was transfered from the ICU to NICU. Doctors were very happy with his progress and he was finally discharged on the 28th of November. Baby was 2 weeks old. :)

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Today, I still tear everytime I look at my baby because I’m very thankful God didn’t take away what was given to me. If he wasn’t diagnosed for tapvd on time, he won’t live past 3 months. He came out early to fight for a chance to stay alive.

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Our special boy was born in Thomson medical but reborn in Gleneagles. Very thankful to all the doctors and nurses who are involved in making our boy healthy again! No words can describe our gratefulness towards each and everyone of them.

I am very thankful towards my parents, sister and brother in law for being there for me all the time. I don’t know how I will pull thru without them.

And to friends who know about what we have went thru, thanks for listening and giving me moral support when I needed them most!

Last but not least to the most loving husband and the greatest dad to our baby,  thanks for being my pillar of strength. Our marriage has never been stronger because of your constant love and support. Thank you for loving me!

All I ask for in 2014 is baby Noah to be healthy and happy. :)

Thanks for going through 2013 with me! See you all in 2014!

My birth story – Part 1

Hello everybody!

2013 is coming to an end and I couldn’t believe how amazing it is. I got pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy! Woohoo!

The husband and I have been trying for a baby since the beginning of the year and I thought I would strike on our first try.  Lol. Was very disappointed when I didn’t get my big fat positive so on the 2nd month I stopped being so obsessive about trying to get pregnant.

On the 3rd month, I got a smiley OPK (Ovulation prediction kit) on the very first stick I peed on. I was like wah buy 4d also not so accurate! Save me a lot of money because the digital OPK can be rather expensive! It’s funny how excited I was over a positive OPK like it’s a HPT (home pregnancy test).

I have been reading up alot on trying to conceive forums and trying to pick up signs of being pregnant. I thought I had implantation cramp somewhere a few days past ovulation and I recall being at OCC playing golf at the range. I stopped after a while because if I’m pregnant, the last thing I want is to strain myself.

On the 9th DPO (day past ovulation), I itchy hand and went to POAS (pee on a stick). There was no line right after I peed on it. And I thought aiya too early and left the hpt on the vanity top. Was supposed to meet husband for dinner and I went to prepare before setting off.

And just before I decided to throw away the hpt, I thought I saw the faintest 2nd line on it. “OMFG AM I PREGNANT?!”

From then on I started to POAS twice everyday to see if the line gets darker. And it did!

Things got confirmed by my gynae and that’s the beginning of my life changing journey…

My pregnancy wasn’t exactly smooth sailing.  Although i have got zero morning sickness, I do have a few espiodes of spotting. Specifically one that happened when I was down with gastric flu. I woke up in the middle of the night because of diarrhea and saw red. I freaked out because the last thing you wanna see during the pregnancy is blood!

The husband quickly sent me to Thomas medical 24 hours clinic to check if baby is okie. I wasn’t expecting that the doctor on duty doesn’t know how to use the ultra scan.  We have to call back my gynae with a huge additional cost.  -_-”"

Luckily everything turns out alright except that I have low lying placenta. My gynae warn me that if my placenta refuses to move up, I might not be able to opt for natural birth. I was ordered to move less and rest more.

2nd trimester was a breeze because my placenta moves up, appetite is great and things are stable.

3rd trimester was not too bad except that I couldn’t sleep well due to the weight of my tummy. We spent most of our weekends shopping for all the necessary stuff for baby and get all the deliveries done before it gets too near to my edd.

The husband and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary when I was 34 weeks and little did we know that our baby will pops out at week 35. :O

On the 12 of November morning, I woke up to prepare for work as usual. What’s not usual was that I saw blood on my liner. I was shaking and ask the husband what should we do (inside me I was like f**k f**k f**k what’s going on is everything gonna be okie?!). We decided to see my gynae and check if baby is coming out soon.

My gynae did cervix check, ultra scan and tracing and yet there are no signs of baby coming out. So she did douching (wtf) on me assuming it’s yeast infection.

On the 13 of November, 5ish am in the morning, I woke up to pee and saw red again! This time it’s dripping and I thought I was gonna faint looking at it!  I shouted for my husband but he was too sound asleep so I grab a box of tissue and throw it towards the door. Luckily he woke up! Off we go to TMC again and this time to the 24 hours clinic. I was ordered to go straight to the delivery ward because I am already 35 weeks pregnant.

I was asked to change and lie on the bed while waiting to be attended. As I was trying to calm myself down,  I felt more blood coming out from my bottom. My husband wasn’t allow to accompany me initially so can you imagine the scare I have to go thru alone? I kept praying and telling baby to hang in there and be alright.

My gynae finally came and check on me and was shock to inform that I’m already 3cm dilated and tracing shows that I’m having contraction. Water bag is still intact so my gynae is trying to stop my contraction hoping that I can at least drag a little longer before I go into labor as baby is still consider premature.

I took 3 dosage of the medication which supposed to help but the contraction couldn’t be stopped and instead, I was further dilated at 5cm. My gynae says if we can’t stop it, we should just go ahead and delivery the baby,  TODAY OR TOMORROW. I was like WTF I’m not mentally prepared!

We stayed at the waiting room for a long long time and I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I was being poked countless time for anti biotic,  medication to strengthen baby’s lungs and blood test for stemcord. You have no idea how much I’m afraid of needles but yet that day all these doesn’t seems to bother me at all.  I just wanna make sure baby is fine and quickly get over this whole traumatic experience.

My contraction gets closer as each hour passed but it’s not painful enough for me to ask for epidural. I finally asked for one when it get closer to mid night because I wanna sleep and reserve my energy for pushing the next day and my backache is preventing me to sleep well.

Next morning came and my gynae decided to burst my water bag. I though I’m all ready to delivery my baby but the nurse told me that my dosage of epidural had finished and asked if I would like to top up. I ask her how long more before the numbing effect goes away if I decided to not take a second dosage.  Her reply was about 3 hours. And she was SO WRONG.

When I am about 8cm dilated, I no longer feel numb. I could almost feel 90% of the pain when I’m about to start pushing. FML. I shouldn’t have tried to be hero and rejected the 2nd dosage.

The moment felt like eternity when I was pushing. From 10 cent coin size to 50 cent coin size (we even asked if it’s the new coin or old coin size!) and finally see the crowning of the baby, although it was about 30 mins but I felt like I’ve pushed the whole day. When I finally see my gynae and pediatrician walks into the delivery room, I knew the moment has come!

After about 10 pushes, baby is finally out! Instant relieve! It was very surreal to finally hold the little one after having him inside me for 35 weeks. :,)

The pediatrician says she will keep the baby monitored in nicu for about 2 hours before they send the baby back to me as he was considered a preemie.

I never get to see my baby 2 hours later. My pd says baby still need to be kept in nicu because of weak lungs. It didn’t occur to me that there will be anything more serious than that.

I was discharged on the 3rd day and went home without baby because he still need to be monitored. Instead of staying at home doing my confinement, I spent most of the time shuttling between my home and tmc to transport breast milk for him. Although I was tired and painful, all I wanted is to take a glance of him before he gets home.

My pd have been giving us false hope about baby’s discharge date. Everytime we go to the hospital, she will say they need another day to monitor the baby. And on the 5th days…

Rilakkuma Zodiac Series

In another 3 months time I will have to renew my domain again and I can’t believe that I failed to fully utilize my blog for another year. Zzzz but I promise things will get better because something is baking in the oven right now and things will get exciting by the end of the year. ;)

 

ANYWAYYYYYYYY yesterday I have received one of the most anticipated parcel of the year. I have shopped so much online lately sometimes I just lost track of them but this particular parcel is very important to me plus the price is way beyond the rest of the item I have bought online lately!

Just a week before my birthday, I was wondering what I should get for myself. There are a few things in my mind that I have never really given up on owning despite the fact that I have tried very hard but failed to locate them. But on that fateful day, I punched a few key words into the eBay search field and the results returned was quite beyond my expectation.

A seller have put up this set of Rilakkuma + Korilakkuma + Kiiroitori on sale… which represent the year of Rat, 2008. BRAND NEW WITH TAGS!

 

O M F G . This is something that I have been looking for YEARS.

I started collecting Rilakkuma in the year of 05-06 and back then it’s almost impossible to find anything related to him in Singapore. I bought most of my collection from eBay. I have no idea that they started rolling out with  Zodiac series and totally missed my chance of getting them. It was exceptionally meaningful to me because I was also born in the year of Rat. From then on, they will have limited edition Zodiac series for every new year.

Other than missing out on the year of Rat, I also missed out the year of Ox too. So I was super duper excited when I know the seller have another set of Ox on sale too!

But here comes the problem… the asking price for each set was a little over the budget I will usually spend on each collection. I don’t know if it’s even right to spend so much on plush toy even if my serious obsession towards Rilakkuma is very well known. lol

 

I tried my luck to negotiate with the seller for selling me at a lower price… and also came out with a not-very-unreasonable request of buying the 2 sets off her hands in 2 separate months, on top of the discount. I wasn’t expecting a very positive reply because you know how some sellers are all out to rip their buyers off. :P

When she finally replied, I can only say, NAISE PEOPLE ACTUALLY EXIST IN THE INTERNET WORLD! Not only she agreed to my request, she is also willing to throw in free track-able postage! OMAIGUANYINMA!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

It took me awhile to bid, wait for the auction to end and for payment invoice to me sent to me. During the process of waiting I have been thinking if I should just get both set together, spare the seller the trouble (she is 36w pregnant and she will be popping anytime soon!) from running to the post office twice for me. Decided to just go ahead and get both together and refresh my bank account next month. ><

After the seller received my payment, she sent me a tracking number for the parcel. Typically the item will take about 1-2 weeks to reach me from Canada but I couldn’t stop tracking it since day 1. Imagine my joy when the tracking page shows item have reached Singapore! :O

Enough of my wall of text. Wanna see how cuteeeeeeee they are? There you go!

rilakkuma year of rat 2008Year Of Rat, 2008

 rilakkuma year of ox 2009Year Of Ox, 2009

And since I have put in so much effort in taking photos of these 2 set, I have decided to share my existing Zodiac collection too. ^^

rilakkuma year of tiger 2010Year Of Tiger, 2010

rilakkuma year of rabbit 2011Year Of Rabbit, 2011

rilakkuma year of dragon 2012Year Of Dragon, 2012

rilakkuma year of snake 2013Year Of Snake, 2013

This pretty much fulfilled my zodiac collection although I know San-x came out with a limited amount of Year of Pig in 2007. They only consist of Rilakkuma & Korilakkuma. But I have this “OCD” that if the set doesn’t comes with Kiiroitori, I will prefer not to buy UNLESS they really look too cute to resist. Plus isn’t Rat always the 1st in the Zodiac cycle? :P

Non-collectors probably don’t understand why I spent so much on plush toys. Well, if others can spend on luxury goods, travel & food, I am entitled to spend on the things that makes me happy too. ^^

If time permits maybe I can post up my entire collection. (Which I doubt I have lah in another 4 months time lolol).

Hope Rilakkuma and friends cheers up your day like how they always cheers up mine! :)

xx